When a babysitter shows up, and your baby/toddler starts to cry because they know that you're leaving, it is so important to react correctly.
There are also many things that you can do and avoid doing to help cut this behavior out all-together.
When your child is comfortable with you leaving, it makes things much easier for the babysitter/nanny, and it doesn't make you feel guilty for leaving them.
Here's what you can do to help:
•As a general rule, NEVER under any circumstances sneak out!
-This creates a major pattern of anxiety for your child. If you do this, they will think that anytime you leave a room, or they can't find you, you've left.
-This pattern doesn't just affect the people that you leave your little ones with, it will start to make your toddler clingier to you in general. If they see you leaving a room, they will follow you, and most likely get upset.
•When you do have to leave, make it clear to them that you are leaving, and you will be back.
-Give them a hug
-Tell them that you love them
-Reassure them that the person you are leaving them with will take care of them like you would
(Ex: "This is Mommy's friend, she's going to play with you until I get home."
-Make sure to say the words "Goodbye" or "Bye-Bye"
(These steps are extremely important. Even if your child is too young to understand what you are telling them, they will get accustomed to this routine, and understand what is going on.)
•When you aren't leaving, but they think you are, avoid the things that signal a goodbye routine.
-Let them follow you, but don't pick them up and cuddle them every time they do
(If you always pick them up, you'll never get anything done.)
-Say things like, "I'll be right back," or "Mom's not leaving, it's alright."
-Give them something to occupy them while you are busy
•Do NOT pick them up and carry them out the door with you while you put things in the car, or buckle other kids in!
-This makes them think that they are coming with you, and only makes them more upset when you pass them to the sitter and leave
•Do NOT frown, say sorry, or act upset that you have to leave.
-They will pick it up, and follow suit
•If you have to come back in the house to grab something once you've already said goodbye, don't make a fuss.
-Most parents already do this correctly
-This is pretty much the one and only exception to the no sneaking rule
-Just come in, get what you came for, avoid being seen, and get out
-If they see you, just tell them again, "Mom will be back, I love you, goodbye."
no need to hug/kiss/cuddle them again
As you do these things regularly, you're child will get used to it.
It may take a while for the clinginess to get better, but the effort is far worth it.
I have personally been through these scenarios on more than one occasion, with many families.
It can be hard to follow through, and break your own habits, but I have seen and experienced the improvement that comes when you do.
You and your sitters will thank me.
Thanks for reading!
-Alex
The Knowledgable Nanny
